Why couples stop talking 3


Let Yang be Yang and Yin be Yin and a dog be a dog…

So, you’re in a happy and loving relationship and things are going pretty well. But then one of you starts to struggle with some of the stuff going on in their lives. What do you do?

http://www.dreamstime.com/-image16450250Well let’s assume you’re in a balanced YinYang relationship and if you’re the Yang partner, you are typically going to come up with lots of solutions. And if your Yin partner doesn’t seemingly take much notice of any of them, you’re probably going to come up with a few more and/or reinforce the ones you previously came up with. If these are met with more blanks, the Yang may try again but will eventually stop altogether saying something like “this is really frustrating because there’s no point me trying to help you as you’re not taking any notice.” The Yin is taking notice, just not responding in a way that the Yang understands. Where does the blame lie?

The blame doesn’t lie anywhere! You see what’s happening here is that Yang is being Yang! And Yin is being Yin. Yang often struggles to understand why Yin can’t simply ‘snap out’ of it. And Yin is bewildered too because ‘snapping out’ of it is clearly a good solution, but gets further down when it is unable to do so. The Yang solutions are probably going to be good ones – for another Yang person, but not (at least for now) the right ones for a Yin.

The key is not to stop talking or giving up, but simply to listen and be aware. You may not be able to really understand what is going on with the other, and that is OK, but you CAN understand what a Yang person is about and how a Yin person may respond. Once you get in that position, how on earth can you get upset or be frustrated when your partner is just being Yang? It’s like getting cross when you’re dog barks at a squirrel. The poor thing is just being a dog – it’s supposed to bark!

To find out if you are Yin or Yang complete the form on the homepage or grab hold of a copy of my book “Sex, Love and Who Puts the Rubbish Out?” Follow the links on my site.

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